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When David's infant son died, he had grieved openly and visibly for the seven days of the child's illness — lying on the ground, refusing food, weeping. He was not a stoic observer of his partner's grief. He had his own. After the child died, he rose and resumed living — not because the grief was finished but because he held a specific hope: "I shall go to him." David's grief was public, personal, and did not require anyone's permission. He also cared for Bathsheba: "David comforted Bath-sheba his wife" (2 Samuel 12:24). He carried both his own grief and his care for her at the same time.
Get These Verses Daily — Free“David therefore besought God for the child; and David fasted, and went in, and lay all night upon the earth.”
David's grief was physical and public — lying on the ground, fasting, refusing comfort. He was not a stoic spectator to his partner's loss. He had his own, and he expressed it without apology. Men who have lost a child have this example.
“Jesus wept.”
The Son of God wept at the death of a friend even knowing he was about to reverse it. His tears were not a failure of theological perspective. They were the appropriate response of love entering grief. Men have the permission of Jesus' own example to weep.
“A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;”
The Hebrew sapad — 'mourn' — means active, expressed grief. Mourning has its own appointed time in the structure of a full human life. Suppressing that time in order to appear strong is not the same as having gone through it.
“The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.”
God's proximity is specifically to the broken-hearted, not only to those whose grief is composed and in service of others. A father whose grief has been postponed or suppressed is still in the category this verse addresses.
“Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.”
Paul describes comfort as something received before it can be given. A man who has not received comfort for his own grief has less to give his partner — not more. Receiving God's comfort for your own loss is not self-indulgence. It is the path to being genuinely comforting.
John 11:35 — "Jesus wept" — is the shortest verse in the Bible and one of the most theologically significant. Jesus wept at the tomb of Lazarus even knowing he was about to raise him. He wept in the presence of the grief of Mary and Martha. His tears were not a symptom of insufficient theological perspective. They were the appropriate response of a person who loved to death entering the room. Men who lose a child have permission, from the behavior of the Son of God, to weep.
Genesis 21:16 describes Hagar weeping and lifting her voice when she believed her son Ishmael was dying — but it also records Abraham's grief at sending them away (Genesis 21:11): "the thing was very grievous in Abraham's sight because of his son." The father's grief over a child is consistently present in Scripture, even when the cultural expectation pressed toward stoicism.
Commentary is from a charismatic Protestant perspective, drawing on KJV text and public-domain sources including Spurgeon, Andrew Murray, and Matthew Henry.
Ecclesiastes 3:4 includes "a time to mourn" in the list of times that belong to a full human life. The Hebrew sapad — "mourn" — means to wail, to strike oneself in grief, to engage in active mourning. Grief is not presented as something to be managed or minimized — it is presented as having its own appointed time. Men who have lost a child through pregnancy loss have a time to mourn, and suppressing it in service of being strong for a partner is not the same as having grieved.
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